I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How naked do you want me to be?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
