wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
