ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
