I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
