oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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