Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
