There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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