So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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