You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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