I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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