does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
