maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
