think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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