You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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