She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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