He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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