Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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