I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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