She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
