Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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