I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
