he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
