Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
