A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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