i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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