its not stalking. its research.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
