In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
