Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
