I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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