I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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