Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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