i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
