I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
