If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
