Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize