sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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