it was like eating out sand paper
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize