and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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