i don't like sucking hair
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
