I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
