If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
