her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize