I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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