"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
