She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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