i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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