Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
