Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
