I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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