Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
