I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
