can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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