His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize