You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
