the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
