I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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