Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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