Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
