I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
