I bet he comes in French.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
