Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
