Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
