I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
