Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
