I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
