I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
