her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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