apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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