oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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