You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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