2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
