What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
