he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
