i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
