in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
