So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
