i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize