Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
