You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize