mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
