I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
