Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
