Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
