grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
