1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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