just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
