she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
