just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
