I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
