Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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